I don’t insult people. I just describe them.

Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.

I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn’t have given you worse advice.

A girl’s smell on a shirt gives a guy a different high altogether.

If you’re going to be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.

Hi! I’m a human being! What are you?

Oh you are dating my ex? Cool, Im eating a sandwich …. want those leftovers too?

How would you like to feel the way you look?

I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you, you’re just not laughing.

Save your breath, you’ll need it to blow up your date.

If you liked my profile, Raise up ur hands. If not, raise your standard

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Mix with people with a good attitude.

Why don’t you understand me like my iPhone does??

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I’ll get back to you.

90% of the time I say `BRB` it just means I don`t want to talk to you anymore..

Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort today?

Don’t feel special, I only keep your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.

Actually no, my status wasn’t aimed at you, but hey, if the shoe fits, feel free to wear it.

If you are shameless, you would do as you wish…

Are your parents siblings?

I’m not here right now so cry me a river, build yourself a bridge, and Get Over it.

Don’t think, it may sprain your brain!