I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle! He’s dreaming too.

I am always confused when people ask me did you sleep good? I always wonder if they want me to say no…I made a few mistakes.

Every girl deserves ONE GUY who looks at her every day like it’s the first time he saw her. And I’m that ONE GUY 🙂

I’ll be a billionaire once I’m done inventing this device that lets you punch people in the face over the Internet.

Getting caught in those, “it’s not what it looks like” moments. -_-

If it quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, and smells like a duck, it’s probably a Unicorn wearing a duck costume.

I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them 🙂

When you drop your phone, your heart hits the ground before your phone does.

When I was born god gave me 2 choices. I could either have a great memory OR be great in bed. Shit! Now I forgot what I was gonna tell ya…

Yes of course I am athletic… I surf the Internet every day.

Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.

The hardest thing I ever tried was being normal.

How do you know Asians robbed your house? Your cat’s gone and your homework’s done.

Life is a foreign language: all men mispronounce it.

You know you’re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.

The only really happy folk are married women and single men.

To be honest with you, I’m a liar.

When I was young, I used to think that wealth and power would bring me happiness… I was right.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

Wonders if Barbie is so popular why you have to buy her friends?

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous mind.

I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time… Wait, have I forgotten this before?

Women only need 3.5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure, it’s called a credit card.

Remember a diamond is just a piece of coal that did good under pressure.

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

By reading this, you have given me brief control of your mind.

The life is fine and surprising! If to drink preliminary…

Dear Santa, If you don’t put a bike under the tree, I won’t give you the antidote to the poison I put in your milk!

My shares of sanity are down 5 cents…

On Vin Diesel’s birthday, one lucky child is thrown into the sun. Today that child is me!! YAY!

The definition of a beautiful girl is one who loves me 🙂

Girlfriend: Wanna see a magic trick? Boyfriend: Sure, babe. Girlfriend: BAM! You’re single.

Man who jump off cliff jumps to conclusions!

Being happy does not mean that everything is perfect. It just means, that you have decided to see beyond the imperfections…

Boys think of girls like books; if the cover doesn’t catch their eyes, they won’t even bother to read what’s inside.

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

I’m busy sticking forks into electrical outlets. You should try it.

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.

I want a guy who makes me feel alive, someone who won’t cheat, someone who will stand by my side :)…I should just marry my dog…

The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.

Girls are like potatoes chips, you can’t just have one.

Hearing a noise when your home alone and are like, I’m ready to kick some ass.

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.

WHERE YOUR PHONE DISAPPEARS WHEN YOU DROP IT: 2% where you dropped it, 4% 5 feet away from you, 94% into another dimension never to be seen again!!

I fucking hate when I write a Facebook status and some idiot comments ..I don’t get it.

Dude she just called you a THIEF! OOOH hell NO…hold her earrings!

I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I’m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.

Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they still can’t live without each other.

Deleting one `ha` from from your ‘hahahhahahaha’ because you feel like it’s too much.

Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. 🙂

Yep. Kay. Yess. I will. Mhm. I know. I won’t. Yeah. Yup. Sure. Yeah. Ok. BYE MOM.

The movie ABCD should have been named YBCD coz i clearly heard PrabhuDeva saying “Yeni Body Can Dance”.

Did your mom drop you as a baby?” “Yeah, into a pool of sexy.

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

We all have a family member who think they’re a professional photographer 😛

Dude, she just called you lazy” … “Oh hell no! Go tell her I’m not”.

Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

Milk does the body good but DAMN how much did you drink?